I was training with my BatKong, pushing it down a dark alleyway. It helps keep the reflexes quick, which is crucial when facing the low-lifes of Gotham. And it also allows me to eat Milkbone chunks as they fall out, giving me energy to stay up all night. That's not easy for a pug, you know. All of a sudden, I heard a woman's scream. Well, I thought it was a woman. After I ran two blocks, I realized that it was a man. And he was in trouble. So I helped him change his flat tire and wished him a pleasant evening.
I finally got around to seeing the summer blockbuster "The Dark Knight." My butler, er, I mean, my friends had been urging me to see it. Said I might be able to relate to it. So I caught a matinee at the local dollar movie theater before embarking on a night of crime-fighting.
The movie was pretty entertaining, but I couldn't shake the feeling that some Hollywood writers were trying to rip off my story. First of all, the hero's name was "Batman." Now sure, it only shares half the letters, but that's awfully similar to my moniker, "Batpug." Then there's the title of the movie -- "The Dark Knight." This seems like an obvious play on my nickname, "The Bark Knight." If I weren't so busy taking criminal scum off the streets, I might consult a copyright attorney.
Having said that, the movie came closer than most to demonstrating the new breed of lunatic supervillain that now confronts society. Have I mentioned that my nemesis the Penguin has a weaponized umbrella, for God's sakes? Heath Ledger brought a chilling touch of lunatic evil to the role.
My biggest quibble with the movie, copyright infringement issues aside, was the ridiculous low-pitched rasp that Batman used to deliver his lines. I guess he was trying to growl like the big dog, but it just wasn't effective. For those dozen or so of you who haven't yet seen the film, I think this sums it up best:
